The Luv Docta

Advice for dating at BYU-I

Brett Stone

The Luv Docta is in

It really wouldn’t be “another great day at BYU-I” if love wasn’t wafting through through the air. To help you warm up your skills for the new semester, I’ve put together a quick summary of the best advice I have to offer on the subject. Taking advice from a currently single guy (that’s right ladies) may be like trusting a skinny cook, but it can pay to learn from someone else’s experience. 

For Guys

Don’t wait. It really is all about timing. Being an early bird in most cases is much better than being late. If you think she’s cute ask her out because most of the other 6,000+ guys on campus aren’t blind. Claiming that you don’t go on dates with people you don’t know is roughly equivalent to the logic of never leaving the county you were born in because you’re not sure if it’s safe. If you don’t know if you really like her yet there really  is only one way to find out.

Plan something You don’t have to serve her filet mignon in a cardboard version of the Taj Majal in Porter Park (although, that actually might be kinda cool...), but planning something to do, at least on a first date, is always a good idea. That something should almost never be a movie, and probably never anything to do with a screen in general. A few humble suggestions: mini-golfing at 7N Ranch near Heise Hot Springs, cooking a pizza from scratch at your apartment (stash a Digornio in the freezer just in case that doesn’t go so well) or tie-dyeing t-shirts. 

Act like you don’t care. Always be a gentleman, but once you’ve asked her out, if you think there’s a chance you might actually like her, act nonchalant. Why? Girls, in general, read way too much into things. In fact, there are probably girls I’ve taken out who are reading this column at this very moment who are reading way too much into it (no, that was not about you...). The point is, just because you get a nibble on the line (she said yes) doesn’t mean you’ve landed the fish in the net, and jerking emphatically on the pole isn’t going to help. 

For Girls

Just Say No! It may be fine to go out with a guy you’re completely uninterested in once, but if the first try doesn’t kindle even a casual interest, don’t keep saying yes. Far from being mean, a clear, unequivocal ‘no’ after one date may be the most charitable thing you could do in most of these cases. Guys’ logic is that the more a girl says yes the more likely it is that she’s interested too. Some guys may scowl at you for being frank, but the great majority of self respecting guys will thank you in the long run (about 15 minutes later, standard guy time) for not leading them on. 

If you’re happy and you know it... You guessed right! Most guys are actually somewhat clueless. Those guys who think they’re not? Well, have you ever seen a kid in a dizzy bat race who thinks  he’s running in the right direction? Yeah. So, if you think you may be interested, it’s sure nice to have some sort of a signal, like say, smoke signals. That being said, moderation in all things is good. Some of you (you may or may not know who you are) may want to ease up on the signaling. A forest fire may send the wrong smoke signal for most guys. 

For all

Breakups are like frostbite Having personally had frostbite on all ten fingers at once, I can honestly say, despite what you may have heard, it’s not fun. Breakups can be like sitting out in the middle of a freezing Rexburg blizzard without gloves. Sometimes after being outside you come inside and feel better in about five minutes. Literally. In others, when the exposure is more severe and deep, you can have alternating sensations of burning and then stinging for weeks and the full effects may not go away for months. Asi es el amor. The good news is, unlike frostbite, which can leave human flesh permanently weaker, breakups, if you choose, can make you stronger and more capable. It’s up to you. 

Know yourself A date, at almost any stage, should ideally be mostly about finding out who the other person really is. That can be tough if you’re spending all the time on the date figuring out who you are. Even at BYU-Idaho, an immense variety of people, standards, ideas, and family values exist. Be open to new ideas and concepts, but know what your personal thoughts are on different subjects before hand. Then you can spend more time asking and answering eternally important questions like, “So, how many cows do you think you’ll pay for your wife?”